"Blue-chip" Celtic

Where are the "blue-chip" signings that Peter Lawwell was quoted as saying that the club will always possess?

There's not a single one. McGeady is homegrown, and with form more up and down than Lily Allen's knickers, you could hardly claim him as one. Boruc? A £600k punt that we got lucky on, I'll pass there.

Fortune then? He's hardly got a pedigree. What about the price tag? What, you mean all £1.3 million per season of it? I don't fucking think so.

But what about the loss of the CL revenue? Well firstly, that's hardly the fault of the support, is it? Strachan, for all his faults, would have seen us over the line with two decent signings in January. Instead we got Willo Flood, the constant reminder, the insult, of the board's fiscal policy. For that reason alone his career is finished at Celtic as far as I'm concerned. I don't need reminding of that, thank you.

Furthermore, Lawwell also stated that both transfer windows in 2008/2009 were dissapointing in terms of the players brought in. I agree. There should have been plenty left over to be spend by Mowbray then? No fucking way.

I should state that Lawwell received a substantial cash bonus at the end of the 2008/2009 season. £200,000, actually. That's 4 Willo Floods! Yes, the year Celtic surrendered the league title and massaged some CPR into the hardly beating heat of our closest rivals in their hour of need, Peter was handsomely rewarded for our failures.

That brings me nicely to the "Balance Sheet". The oft lauded phrase banded around like it was the Larsson of the year 2009. This season this "Balance Sheet", as previously stated, may suffer a catastrophic loss of form due to the loss of CL revenue. Hmmm, yes, well, maybe. Let's however, take into consideration that we've removed Nakamura, Vennegoor of Hesselink, Donati, Hartley, Balde, Doumbe, etc from our wage bill, and even got a decent fee for Donati. Let's also take into consideration that in Balde, Donati, VoH, and Nakamura we've likely removed four of the top five earners of the club from the wage bill, is the "Balance Sheet" really in mortal danger, or is it set to net Peter another bonus in 2010, irrespective of League placing?

Still, there's always Willo Flood.

Rebecca Adlington Insults that are worse than Frankie Boyle's

This is just a short blog to discuss celebrity mutant and spoon faced bint Rebecca Adlington. For those who do not know Rebecca, she's very slightly famous here in the UK for being able to swim rather quickly and for making sales of swim-suits plummet.

Whilst no doubt admirable, Rebecca pretty much had to do something with her teenage years since dating boys was so obviously out of the question. So swimming it was, and with the advantage her webbed digits gave her, and the fact she spent all her time in the pool to avoid being bog-washed, Rebecca was soon flushed with success.

In August of last year, Rebecca bagged gold and set new records at the Beijing Olympic games. This was doubly impressive, as the Chinese, mistaking her for Miss Piggy, had decided to barbecue poor Rebecca on arrival. Thank God for Kermit.

It was around this time that Scottish comedian Frankie Boyle, a panellist on satirical quiz 'Mock the Week', was quoted as saying that Adlington "resembled somebody looking at themselves in the back of a spoon". This was both accurate and reserved for the normally rather risqué Mr Boyle.

Fast forward to Autumn 2009, a full year and more after the original broadcast of the show, when I can only assume that after catching a re-run on cable channel 'Dave', Miss Adlington and her agent hatched upon an idea to keep Rebecca in the minds of the public (probably after having ascertained that Rebecca was just too unsightly for even reality TV).

So the spoon-faced swimmer rattled her cutlery drawer in the direction of the BBC Trust demanding that Frankie Boyle be sacked for what amounts to little more than a sarcastic remark regarding her face, which is somewhere between a Zulu shield and a Star Wars character.

So, on to the point of this blog. Suggest an insult worse than Frankie Boyles. Here's my attempt:

Rebecca Adlington, get a fucking grip. Bollocks to the spoon analogy, it looks like Jim Henson made your face.

Rebecca Adlington got a fair few apples on Saturday night.

Why does Rebecca Adlington get Sky Television for free? Because she has a big dish

Rebecca Adlington should just take it on the chin.

Rocky Dennis went out as Rebecca Adlington for Halloween.

Rebecca Adlington is like the love child of Jamie Oliver and Vanessa Feltz.

Please feel free to add your own in the comments section.

Thanks.

B.