Rebecca Adlington Insults that are worse than Frankie Boyle's

This is just a short blog to discuss celebrity mutant and spoon faced bint Rebecca Adlington. For those who do not know Rebecca, she's very slightly famous here in the UK for being able to swim rather quickly and for making sales of swim-suits plummet.

Whilst no doubt admirable, Rebecca pretty much had to do something with her teenage years since dating boys was so obviously out of the question. So swimming it was, and with the advantage her webbed digits gave her, and the fact she spent all her time in the pool to avoid being bog-washed, Rebecca was soon flushed with success.

In August of last year, Rebecca bagged gold and set new records at the Beijing Olympic games. This was doubly impressive, as the Chinese, mistaking her for Miss Piggy, had decided to barbecue poor Rebecca on arrival. Thank God for Kermit.

It was around this time that Scottish comedian Frankie Boyle, a panellist on satirical quiz 'Mock the Week', was quoted as saying that Adlington "resembled somebody looking at themselves in the back of a spoon". This was both accurate and reserved for the normally rather risqué Mr Boyle.

Fast forward to Autumn 2009, a full year and more after the original broadcast of the show, when I can only assume that after catching a re-run on cable channel 'Dave', Miss Adlington and her agent hatched upon an idea to keep Rebecca in the minds of the public (probably after having ascertained that Rebecca was just too unsightly for even reality TV).

So the spoon-faced swimmer rattled her cutlery drawer in the direction of the BBC Trust demanding that Frankie Boyle be sacked for what amounts to little more than a sarcastic remark regarding her face, which is somewhere between a Zulu shield and a Star Wars character.

So, on to the point of this blog. Suggest an insult worse than Frankie Boyles. Here's my attempt:

Rebecca Adlington, get a fucking grip. Bollocks to the spoon analogy, it looks like Jim Henson made your face.

Rebecca Adlington got a fair few apples on Saturday night.

Why does Rebecca Adlington get Sky Television for free? Because she has a big dish

Rebecca Adlington should just take it on the chin.

Rocky Dennis went out as Rebecca Adlington for Halloween.

Rebecca Adlington is like the love child of Jamie Oliver and Vanessa Feltz.

Please feel free to add your own in the comments section.

Thanks.

B.